Pre-Marital Counselling: Addressing Common Concerns
Are you curious about premarital counselling and what the topics of discussion could be? This is a space where two people can express their desires, their expectations, and hopes for the future. Think of this as an opportunity to get answers to your important questions involving marriage, your future as a couple or family, and ensuring you and your partner are on the same page. This reduces the risk of unpleasant surprises a few months or years down the road.
The team at Danielle Counselling is happy to provide premarital counselling services to our community. We can understand the hesitation to discuss sensitive topics in front of someone, however, our team is dedicated to offering impartial, unbiased mediation. Our goal is to guide you through important conversations and allow you to come to conclusions as a couple.
What Is Premarital Counseling?
Premarital counselling is, as the name suggests, therapy that occurs before marriage. Couples share and explore each other on a deeper level as well as their understandings and expectations about marriage, before making their vows.
Common Topics of Discussion in Pre-Marital Counselling
While there is no question or topic that is off-limits, there are topics that almost always come up in sessions, and for good reason! Below is a list of the major discussion points that are wise for a couple to consider moving forward with marriage. The discussion is enveloped in a compassionate understanding space, with collaboration to find common ground, strategizing for a life together as one.
Money and Finances
Each of us has been raised with a different way of relating to money. Maybe you have identified if one of you is a spender and one is a saver. Maybe you have concerns about your partner’s behaviour, yet are unsure how to approach the topic. Or maybe the disagreements around money are already a common dispute. When in a committed relationship, our financial habits directly impact the life and well-being of our partner. Also, the way that I save/spend money can influence my partner’s financial decisions as well. For example, am I becoming more and more frugal due to my husband’s spending habits which seem to make him want to just spend more? Or maybe you are experiencing another version of a feedback loop?
Understanding how we relate to finances combined with a goal-oriented approach can help to thwart distressing financial surprises and conflict. Topics such as earning imbalances, separating or combining finances, spending habits and financial stability, and more are all topics that can be considered in pre-marital counselling.
Taking the time to discuss money habits, expectations, and goals is an investment in both your finances and marriage.
Sex & Intimacy
Differences in expectations, wants, and needs surrounding sex and intimacy are common in relationships. Wanting sex less often doesn’t mean you aren’t attracted to your partner. You know this, but your partner might not. To them, your lack of intimacy can be perceived as rejection, and result in sexual frustration that may worsen over time.
Open communication in a supportive environment is integral when discussing these topics. Learning how to listen to one another, to truly hear the heart of your partner. When partners learn to validate their love’s experience and lay down their own defences, this is when they can actually hear, understand, and harmoniously align with each other.
Marriage Expectations and Role Beliefs
Everyone has an idea of what they imagine being married will be like. It’s important to understand how the person you intend to marry views marriage and what they expect. Do you expect your wife to cook and clean, do you expect your husband to fix the car and re-tile the kitchen? Some couples are happy to fulfill these traditional roles while this simply won’t work for other couples. The important part is to discuss these expectations ahead of time.
How do your role expectations fit with your partners’? What do you envision your family life to look like day-to-day? What do you expect in good times, what about in challenging times? What do you need from your partner? How can your partner make you feel loved? In communication on these topics, you are able to understand how to best support each other.
Unmet role expectations can lead one to feel frustrated and overwhelmed or conversely that no matter what you do you’re not good enough. This dissatisfaction paves the way for division and loneliness in marriage. Discussing these roles beforehand can help to ensure a healthier, happier marriage.
Fostering Healthy Communication
Clearly communicating is much more than assertively stating your views. What emotional stance are you speaking from? Our emotions can cloud our communication and send a very different message than the one we are intending. Conversely, our emotions can cause us to interpret a very different message than one that was intended for us.
Learning how to communicate with ourselves is required first. What am I feeling? How is this influencing my reaction and thoughts to my partner? What is my intention? How does this align with my values?
Once I understand what it is I want to communicate, then I can consider, how will this make my partner feel? How can I express myself in a way that does not injure the one I love?
It can be difficult to express our inner dialogue in a way that can be received and understood by our partners. This can lead us to hold silent assumptions, use subtle hints that are not picked up, invalidate and hurt our partner with sarcasm, or diminish our partner by yelling. Understanding ourselves and caring for our partner is the backbone of healthy communication.
And Much More
We wanted to take a moment to remind you that these only are a few examples of the common topics that are discussed in premarital counselling sessions. You can discuss any topic that is important to you. The list of subjects to discuss and the number of sessions will be tailored to your personal relationship with one another. Yet the aim remains the same, to foster a strong foundation for your forever together.
Premarital Counselling Services Available In Oshawa, Ontario
If you or your partner have questions about the premarital counselling services offered at Danielle Counselling, call our office to speak with a member of our team or book your first session online today!
